Dancing can, and should be the most excellent common ground for couples. Corina and I have found it to be just that. It is physical, romantic, skilful and it requires intimate teamwork. The masculine and feminine roles are perfectly complimentary, each validating the other. It yields a satisfaction that is unparalleled.

But, for many couples, dancing can become a source of division and separation. This is usually because one of the partners was a dancer before the relationship started, or for some reason one partner started to learn to dance alone. When the second partner tries to enter the world of dance, there are some pretty major obstacles to overcome. They feel exceptionally vulnerable, inadequate, an outsider and these feelings, if not understood by the first partner, inevitably lead to an early exit from the journey of learning to dance.

Let’s flesh out the reasons why, and then I’ll give you those golden keys to help avoid this situation.

Remember that everyone feels a unique vulnerability when they begin to learn to dance. It is a highly visual art and all beginners feel “looked at”. That feeling is compounded if your partner is an accomplished dancer. Your mistakes are far more obvious, and all the mistakes seem to be yours. Your partner waits patiently for you to “get it” but all the while you know that you are making them look novice on the dance floor – something they definitely are not.

At times your partner ventures to coach you on what’s going wrong. This is understandable, but in the vulnerable state you are in, it is difficult to receive and process the coaching constructively. What’s more, it pays no reference to the usual ebb and flow of your relationship. Most things you do together are already common ground – that is to say that you both have some experience, knowledge and skill in those areas, but dancing is totally one-sided. The learner partner brings nothing at all to the table here and their feeling of worth and value to the relationship as a whole can begin to be eroded.

Typically, the learning partner is completely in the care of the veteran partner. Who else could be better to teach them? The veteran partner is accomplished and has a vested interest in the learner’s success. This unintentionally narrows the learner’s experience of the world of dance, they rarely dance with a partner who is at their level or who has a different style of lead or follow.

The veteran’s routine is to stay late and do the intermediate or advanced class and the learner is expected to stay and watch, confirming their feeling of inadequacy. What they are seeing is literally the widening of the gap between their respective skill levels. Meanwhile, they are self-labelled “not yet qualified” simply because they are not participating.

Some of you are reading this and nodding your head in agreement because you have been in either one of these positions – sincere but unsuccessful. Perhaps you had your chance sometime in the past and found that the whole dancing thing was no help to your relationship at all.

It may have felt like you blew your one and only chance but perhaps the following keys will inspire you to try again. These keys assume the reader is the veteran.

1. Don’t coach – encourage only. – There are a whole room of people who can coach your partner and help them along and NONE of them will find it as difficult as you to do it constructively. Likewise it will be easier for your partner to receive coaching from a mature and qualified third party. When you dance with them – mention only the things they are doing well (and then bite your tongue.)
2. Let them dance mainly with others. - A love for dancing is what you really want for your partner – not just a demo dolly to help you look good. This love of dancing will have to be constructed through their own discovery, a sense of learning organically through practice and without pressure. That magic of being relaxed in the rhythm and enjoying a dance partner, will be found on the arm of many others nearer their own level before it is something you can share together. I would even recommend that you ask others to dance with your partner; not super hero dancers but those you know to be skilful and gentle – the kind who dance for the partner – not “at them” or “around them” or “over them”. The affirmation from these folks will do wonders to encourage your partner and chances are that they are indeed doing much better than you tend to give them credit for.
3. Separate your dance schedules. - Hard as it may be, you need to provide a sense of independence about your experience of dance until your partner has “caught up”. It’s the same independence that you experienced when you started without them. Don’t make them sit through the intermediate class and watch you. If you can’t travel separately, better to miss the Intermediate class for 6 months and go home early. Your investment will pay off.If for some reason, one of you is required to stay home tonight – always defer to the learner. You will find that those nights when they go out without you will often be key milestones in their dance journey. After these events, if possible, let them “teach” you something they learnt.
4. Buy them some good DVDs. – Great sales pitch here, but really, DVDs are an excellent tool to build confidence in privacy. With a DVD, your partner can sit without pressure and broaden and deepen their understanding of dance, be inspired about it, and find their own motivation to move forward. They don’t need to practice the moves with you to benefit from the DVD – just watching it is a start. If they ask you to step through it with them, then (and only then) you may. You MUST let them have control here.
5. Finally foster a gracious attitude. You must remember that your partner’s performance as a dancer “doesn’t really matter”. You loved and valued them before they ever began to learn and their attempt to do so is a great gift to you. Laugh at mistakes and laugh together. Make your lead or follow a gift of grace. If it matters too much to you, it will always matter too little to them. And remember that if they only master the octopus, most of your work colleagues will think you were brilliant together.

Of course you know where to buy an excellent beginner’s DVD > here

I trust that, using these ideas, you can foster dance as a common ground in your relationship. I know that it will bring you great joy and satisfaction if you do. My favourite dance partner is my wife Corina. We both love to dance with others but we “save the last dance” for each other. Dancing has become a glue that keeps us together rather than a one-sided interest that draws us away from each other and into the arms of someone else. If that isn’t the reality of your world but you feel that it could or should be, it is well worth the effort. Anyone (including your partner) who can walk, can dance, they can enjoy dancing and they can look good dancing too.

Kindest regards….

Brent and Corina.

Corina and I have been dancing now for 9 years. I got to thinking the other day, what our bodies might look and feel like if we never started. You see I spend my day in an office chair designing web sites. I sit so still that in these winter months, my feet get cold like blocks of ice and start to ache. I’m also entering that stage of life where a little extra insulation is trying to attach itself to my midrift and proving harder than before to ward off.

Like never before, I need exercise. I love the outdoors, love to swim and walk on the beach, love to play soccer (football) with the kids, love to fly paragliders and be in the hills. But these winter months put a sudden stop to all this.

Then there’s running. I used to be a pretty good athlete but never because I trained with great discipline, only because my family didn’t have a decent TV and I spent my life on the move, climbing, running, riding my bike. From time to time I’ve started up a new running campaign with good intentions. But staring at the road in front of me, pounding my feet and managing my breathing patterns is just too damn uncomfortable and boring for me to ever stick at it. The gym goes into the same category. What’s more, I’m seeing what high impact surfaces like the road and the netball court and the indoor soccer field are doing to people’s knees and hips before they’re fifty.

All this makes me soo glad that we started dancing. I’m in not-too-shabby shape and my body is relatively nimble for an office guy. I’ve actually had no futher trouble with an old back injury since we started dancing 9 years ago. It seems that just keeping it moving was all I needed. Corina is in mighty fine shape: Slender, curvacious and comparitavely fit and nimble. And the best thing is that you’re not even aware that you’re exercising when you dance. You don’t dance to stay fit. You dance because of the enjoyment of it – keeping a little fitter is just a bonus.

When you come to think of it, there is little better exercise for middle aged people than dancing Modern Jive. Even the smooth flowing style is low impact, very little jarring, it moves you in so many ways and requires strength in many different muscle groups. Look around you at the people you know who have danced for many years and there’s a very high rate of mobility and good health and good figures.

So there’s another great reason to dance. It’s just downright good for your body. Come to class, buy a DVD, keep yourself inspired and learning and you will be glad  for decades to come that you did.

Kind regards…

Brent.

Hey – this might be a good time to think of a friend who could use this:(below)  In fact, for the sake of their health, I’ve just marked it down to $30AUD just until next Monday.

Modern Jive is easy. You don’t have to refine it to enjoy it. “If you’re both having fun, you’re doing it right.”

“It is my aim that every time I dance with a partner, of any experience level, they will feel that is was uplifting. I want their experience with me on the dance floor to contribute positively to how they feel about dancing and themselves.”

Whether you are a man or a woman, a leader or a follower, I strongly encourage you to make this, or something like it, your dance mantra, your rule of thumb, your core value. It will mean that your dancing and your relational life will always be enriched.

Modern Jive – Ceroc is almost always lead by one partner and followed by the other. One engineers, constructs the pattern of the dance; it’s reference to and interpretation of the music. The other intuits, reponds and contributes, dressing the structure of the dance with flare, grace, style and flow. Both are very unique and uniquely difficult tasks.

Sometimes this adds a little tension to dancing that can sabbotage your mantra and your fun if you’re not careful.

Example 1. you’re a leader who is dancing with someone less competent than yourself and you are performing for the audience. You attempt moves that your partner is not familiar with, nor capable of, and feel that you look clumsy as a couple. You expect her to spin doubles, to step and to anchor on beat, to feel and anticipate the cadences. Of course she doesn’t, and so your in-dance conversation becomes a constant stream of little “tips” at what she should be doing. By the end of the song, you’re both ready to have a seat. She’s ready to go home.

Example 2. you’re a follower who is dancing with a newer dancer who has rotated round to you in class. You don’t want to lead him through the move but he seems to have such a frightfully slow rate of comprehending what the teacher says, you struggle to remain responsive. He obviously feels uneasy about his lack of understanding and you add insult to injury by by curtly reminding him that he’s meant to be the leader and you’re waiting for him to start.

Now in the second example. I’m forever telling experienced ladies to wait and respond and allow him time to learn to lead, but that waiting needs to be done with an accepting smile, an easy an open attitude that welcomes him to fail and try again, a partly truthful comment that he’s doing well and a sincere encouragement that the difficulty will pass with time so ‘don’t give up.’ Why not seek that person out in freestyle time and spend some time, showing the moves to them and then slowy lowering your strength as he steadily gains confidence and begins to initiate. Demonstrate the level of force and resistance that ought to exist between you. Help him make progress and then identify and celebrate that progress.

In the first example, the leader ought to realise early that he has pitched his coreography too high and apologise. “It’s my fault.” he should say. “If I can’t lead the move clearly enough for you to follow or be kind enough to lead moves that have some familiarity to you, then I’m being discourteous, so again I apologise.” Then drop the complexity back down as low as neccessary for you to succeed together. If you’re not content to just do basic footwork with a new lady, moving on time, feeling the rhythm, smiling and encouraging her as you thank her for the dance, then I offer that you’re missing out on the best that dancing has to offer and so is she.

Modern Jive is easy. You don’t have to refine it to enjoy it. “If you’re both having fun, you’re doing it right.”

Being spectacular is one thing, being pushy and rude in the attempt is quite another. When a couple is truly spectacular, you can see that both partners are comfortable in the partnership; the strength of the lead, the tension in the follow, the closeness of the moves, the tempo of the music, the danger and strength level in the moves chosen. All these choices have to be made with respect for both partners for dancing to be really fun and spectacular.

I’ve made these mistakes many times; so eager to show off or to try new stuff, that I’ve left a lady feeling awkward or inadequate or simply annoyed.

On the other hand, some of the most accomplished dancers I’ve had the pleasure of dancing with, didn’t seem to have any expectations of me. They genuinely seemed to enjoy the dance even when I feared that it was awfully repetitive and that I had gone “brain dead” somewhere near the start. They seemed content to do “man break throughs” and “manhattans” the whole song and throw whatever style and finesse into it that they could. They respected me as a partner regardless of how inexperienced I was. If you’re reading this ladies, thankyou.

We, most of us, are fragile creatures, seeking to find acceptance and identity in our circles of friends, to love and be loved, appreciated. Dancing is just a small part of that, but it really can and ought to be a helpful part. When you dance with someone, they have given you the power to do great good in their lives. Don’t miss the chance!

If you’re new and frightened, take a load off, take the pressure down, you’re not inadequate, the floor and the music is there as much for you as it is for the champions, so get out there.

Sincerely…

Brent and Corina Leggett.

I take my hat off to all you dancers.

Why is it that at most parties these days, while the beat is pounding out of the sound system at a volume that makes all social interaction (except dancing) difficult, the majority of guests opt to sit and drink and attempt to talk. Occasionally a few girls get up and jig together, champagne in one hand, doing the “hitch-hiker” with the other and the guys look on, as if observing some endangered species at the wildlife park, stuck to their seats by the glue of fear.

And fear they should. Where else in society is your every movement of every limb under public scrutiny. Every new dancer feels like a dork and most of them look like dorks. On top of that there may be trouble with hearing the beat which makes you feel awkward, there may be parts of your figure that you don’t like and you don’t like others looking at them and on this lonely dance floor, there isn’t anybody who doesn’t notice.

But the secret is that they all secretly admire whatever it is that gives you the courage to care less about public opinion and breathe a good deep lung-full of freedom and just be yourself.

You all know what I’m talking about and you all have felt the fear of, say, turning up for your first dance class. Shaking in your boots and sometimes literally – and the boots didn’t help the whole affair either. You have to have a good deal of courage to learn to dance. It’s not courage over the fear of injury or death or the kind of courage an investor has about financial risk. It’s something much greater: courage to overcome the fear of ridicule or scorn, the courage to do what you want to do for your reasons even though it may make you an object of public humour or mockery, … otherwise known as “self-confidence”. It doesn’t matter that what we fear hardly ever happens. Our fear is a powerful obstacle nonetheless.

What I’ve noticed over the last 5 years since I started teaching dancing is that dancers are special people. They have a kind of class about them. On the whole they aren’t trying to be ‘mucho’ or to prove anything. They are generally more sincere and authentic than non-dancers. And if they aren’t when they begin, they usually are after a little while. I think dancing produces massive results is self-development. It challenges us in so many unique ways. One of these is the fear of proximity with the opposite sex, an activity which is so distorted and loaded by the sexual paranoia of our culture – but perhaps I’ll write about that later.

So congratulations to all of you. You are ALL courageous people, and here’s to your continued and increased self-confidence.

Brent and Corina

Jivemecrazy

The following is an article written for the dancer’s ball by Craig Delica. thanks to Craig for his permission to use it here.
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I like to read to you a literary extract by Paul Bottomer which was published in 1998.

“Dancing is both the most artistic of social pastimes and the most social of artistic pastimes. In all societies dancing forms an integral part of the lifestyle. Dancing is not only a reflection of life but is a basic human expression of life itself. While the initial motivation to dance is often a social one, once past the hurdle of actually learning to dance, many find in the music, the atmosphere and the dance, the opportunity to take on a new persona. The music and the venue create the atmosphere, but it is the dancer who expresses their own individuality through the language of the dance.”

“Whatever your musical taste or individual preferences, the huge variety of dances ensures that there is something to suit you. You do not need to be a good dancer to enjoy the dancing, the music, the mood, the atmosphere and of course, the social life. Dancing is, and should always be accessible to everyone.”

Partner dancing is arguably one of the most difficult, if not the most difficult sport to undertake. Two individuals with different backgrounds, most commonly of the opposite gender, different ideologies, and each with a different interpretation of music. But, ultimately trying to function as one unit, a team, to display an aesthetically pleasing performance and create an immensely pleasurably experience for each other. Yet despite all the pitfalls that partner dancing has, and its degree of difficulty, we all seem to return again and again to emulate the last performance.

The old cliché, ‘you dance your troubles away’, rings loud and true for many of us, and in more ways than one, for some.

Many men, who go through the pain of separation and a bitter battle with their spouse over children, often look for solitude in a pastime to enlighten their lives. Pastimes, which will help alleviate the pressure, stress, associated with separation, and also help to decelerate a pessimistic mindset, which in many cases if left unattended, could ultimately lead to a depressive state for the individual, and their peers.

One of these pastimes which many separated men have formed a strong association with over recent years is ‘partner type’ dancing. Dancing studios throughout the region have become a popular outlet for many men, who seek their troubles away by dancing.

For these individuals partner dancing is attributable to gaining confidence for them, not only being able to execute elaborate dance moves well, but confidence in regaining many life skills, that many of us simply take for granted. Such as perhaps shivery, or simply escorting a partner to and from the dance floor. Courtesy, friendship, and the ability to communicate and relate well to people in general.

With the conception of The Dancer’s Ball, it was decided that the organisation Dads in Distress be the first beneficiary.

I would like to thank Jo Dovey and Neil Martin for their efforts in raising funds which will help benefit the local branches of the Dads in Distress organisation. We hope that all money raised by these individuals, provides valuable counselling and associated aids, which will help benefit all members of the Dads in Distress organization.

The ultimate goal for the ball this evening, is to raise awareness amongst the dancing community as to the closure, reduction in size, and mixed usage of dance floors within the region. Despite the growing publicity that partner dancing is receiving with television shows such as, “So You Think You Can Dance”, “Dancing with the Stars”, and “Strictly dancing”. We are seeing an increasing number of registered clubs within the local areas declining to upgrade their existing dance floors.

For social & competitive dancing to survive, we desperately need places to showcase the sport / pastime which we all love. We need the clubs and floors to allow the sport to continue, for without the clubs support, the dancing community will be forced into isolation, therefore allowing us to only use facilities such as basket ball floors and obscure halls.

So how do we as a dancing community undertake this situation? Firstly look at becoming a member of the club. Vote at the meetings. Find out how to become a member of the boards. Voice your opinion in regards to the state of the dance floor, its usage, and the type of bands / music that is played.

Purchase a drink of some description. It doesn’t have to be an alcoholic beverage. Purchase a meal or snacks. Take an active interest in the club, the facilities and entertainment that the club has to offer. Remember clubs need our patronage to survive.

Modern jive is really a conglomerate of dance styles and as such it is open to many changing influences. Go to a Modern Jive or Ceroc competition and you will see routines danced that look like anything between partner hip-hop and contemporary jazz ballet.

I’m often asked, “where is the ‘Jive’ in all of this. Traditional Jivers know that the unique skipping tripple step of Jive is nowhere to be found in modern jive. Commonly they say that it looks more like Salsa. In some ways this is very true. Salsa moves with little vertical rhythm. The hips roll in order to keep the head fairly much at the same height. The rhythm is expressed through the horizontal movement of the hips and legs and the shoulders neck and head remain isolated. Jive, on the other hand ‘bounces’ distinctly with the rhythm vertically and therefore needs a much faster pace. If you try to bounce to 115 Beats per Minute – you’ll find that it’s just too slow and you have to wait between each bounce. It feels very awkward. In many ways this is why we need Modern Jive (which is not jive at all) because we have very little music in the radio charts that is fast enough to jive to.

The influence of West Coast Swing has served to increase this gap between Modern Jive and Traditional Jive even though it sees the reintroduction of a tripple step (I believe). When you watch a couple dance west coast swing, you notice that the rhythmic punctuation is most obvious in horizontal movements, pauses at the end of the “slot” and the staccato finishes to spins and travels. The pause has become very prominent as a means of musical interpretation and rhythmic emphasis. Usually it is accompanied by some small non-foot movement, a shimmy or a body-roll until the couple resume travel and footwork together after the cadence. It looks great – but you will find that if you’ve been dancing Modern Jive for some time, it is a new world of techniques that are mostly foreign to you.

So what are you to learn? What is the right style to adopt? I have found myself asking this question as I dance and teach. Where is it all headed, where are the fads and what elements will stay with us?

I watched a routine last Saturday night performed by my old teachers John and Carolyn Woodman. They danced to a slow version of “Halo” and they danced beautifully. Carolyn’s arms are flowing and graceful – which is not a common element in some of the new influences mentioned and I feel that it is missed. It doesn’t eliminate strong punctuation or rhythmic interpretation.

The routine was full of dips and clever pattern work flowing smoothly inside musicality. There were hardly any body rolls or cute little gyrations – the music didn’t lend to that anyway. The overall mood was romantic and with a graceful dignity and pride.

On the other hand I have watched with great interest and delight as couples danced a totally differnt spin on Modern Jive. Playful, cute, fast and even cheeky. The most important thing about your style is that you enjoy it and that you let it evolve organically in ways that give the lead to the music. The more you let the music move you, the more inventive you can become and the more fun you will have. There’s no limit on what you can do or what is technically right or wrong – so enjoy the diversity.

Many of our older videos here demonstrate a very “straight” interpretation of Modern Jive. Our style has shifted a lot and will continue to do so. That doesn’t make those moves outdated by any means! The moves, and the style that is overlayed on those moves are two very different things. So much so, that I have seen moves that I have taught danced with such a different and creative style that I hardly recognised them. That in itself is an excellent quality of Modern Jive. Enjoy.

Brent.